


What are you waiting for? Someone could love you more.

by Ang3lofThursday



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Barrisco - Freeform, I Tried, I suck at tagging, M/M, Songfic, kind of westallen but not really??, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 19:52:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6390967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ang3lofThursday/pseuds/Ang3lofThursday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it all comes tumbling down Cisco remembers the first and last times of things he did with Barry Allen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What are you waiting for? Someone could love you more.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sebasent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebasent/gifts).



> Damn so this took me like two months to actually finish. I really hope you guys like it! Thank you so much to my beat reader, phantastic! So this is a songfic based off of "Lost Boy" by Troye Sivan and I highly recommend you listen to it while reading this.Thanks you to Sebasent for convincing me to actually write it!

Trying to prepare for it did nothing to help Cisco when Barry finally did break his heart. He knew it was coming but he still felt the walls of his once stable life crumble around him quicker than he ever thought possible as he remembers some of the firsts and that's of his and Barry's relationship. 

Their first kiss had been tender and shy. It happened in some bar while Cisco pretended to be more drunk than he actually was because at least that way in the morning he could pretend he didn't remember it. It was a kissed filled with a promise Cisco thought he could keep. Their last kissed had been quick as Barry handed Cisco his morning coffee. If Cisco had known it was the last kiss he'd get to share with Barry Allen he would have appreciated it a hell of a lot more at the time.

The first time Cisco pressed his head against Barry's chest was to see if he was still alive after a mission as the flash went south. The last time Cisco pressed his head against Barry's chest was the last morning they spent together in their shared bed at the time. Cisco with his head on Barry's bare chest as he lazily runs his hand up and down Cisco's back while they agreed it was too early to get up even though it was almost noon. 

The first time Cisco says "I love you" to Barry, it never even reaches Barry. He calls him just before he confront Eobard about what really happened but Barry doesn't pick it up. 

"Hey Barry, listen I know this seems kinda random but I need you to know something. I'm in love with you. Have been for a while but never really had the courage to say it but if something ever happens to either of us I just want you to know I love you." he hangs up after leaving the message, hoping he didn't just make a huge mistake. But then he dies.

And by some magic, be it luck or fate, he was brought back by Barry. Of course he’d never tell him but he liked to think of Barry as his guardian angel.

The first time Cisco tells Barry and Barry actually heard it is six months after they defeat the Reverse Flash. Cisco has had enough of Barry blaming himself for everything and Cisco just wants Team Flash and his best friend back. So he goes to find to find him at Star labs, it's late and honestly Cisco doesn't know if Barry will even be there but he pressed forward anyway. Barry is there, he's sitting in Cisco's computer chair just looking around the Cortex and doesn't notice Cisco at first. 

"What are you doing here?" Barry asks with a guarded voice when he does finally notice him.

"I came to see my best friend, he's been kinda MIA lately. Maybe you've seen him" Cisco says making no attempt to hide his anger as he continues, "He's about 6'2 and has been kind of an asshole by ignoring all of his friends" by the time Cisco is done he's glaring and his voice is harsh. 

"What do you want from me Cisco? You'll just get hurt like everyone else I try and protect" the puppy dog eyes Barry gives him almost makes Cisco grab Barry into a hug and tell him everything is going to be okay, almost.

"I want my best friend back. I want to go back to feeling like I actually had a purpose. So yeah, Eddie and Ronnie died and it fucking sucks but it's not your fault. They willingly chose to be a part of this so stop acting like you're the only one that is hurt by the fact that they're gone and live with it like the rest of us." 

Cisco knows it harsh to say but he can't bring himself to care, Barry needs to hear it. "You don't get to choose for all of us if we are a team or not. You may be the Flash but we all chose to be a team and we all one they dangers of it. Hell, I've already died one and I still stayed and you want to know why? Because this," Cisco says and he gestures around the lab with his arms, "This is where I belong. Because being here means that I proved my family wrong and actually did something with my life that helped people, because I've gained a family while working here and being a part of this team, and because I'm in love with you." 

Cisco is breathing heavy by the time he's done talking. He knows what he's just said but to be honest he's tired of secrets in general and between them. Barry moves from the chair and is by his side in the blink of an eye, "Do you really mean that?" He says with a soft voice as he looks Cisco in the eye to which Cisco can only nod. A pair of lips soon find Cisco's and his whole world is spinning in the best possible way. They know they need to talk about everything, and they do eventually, but they let themselves have that one moment. 

The last time Cisco tells Barry he loves him is right after Barry says things aren't working out. Cisco says 'I love you' to Barry as a last resort. As if maybe saying it will make Barry realize he's making a mistake and he won't break up with him. It doesn't work. 

The first time Cisco's heart breaks because of Barry it isn't even really Barry's fault. Cisco had gone into Eobard's old time vault to clean it out but stops in his tracks when he sees that Gideon still has the 2024 article up and it still says West-Allen in small print at the top. Stunned, Cisco asks Gideon to show his the latest update only for the IA to tell him that is the updated version. Cisco leans against the wall for support and feels like he's been punched in the gut. He never says anything in hope that it will change. He makes sure to give Barry everything he can from them on and hoped that it's enough for him. He knows he should probably let Barry go before he gets in any deeper then he already is but he can't, if you asked he'd admit it was selfish. 

He never says anything to anyone about it and tried to forget about it. If there are some nights where he's a little too drunk and check it just to see if it's changed only to have his heart break a little more each time, no one has any proof. So yeah, he knew that it was going to happen eventually but no amount of preparing could have helped how much it hurt to lose Barry in that way. 

The last time Cisco has his heart broken by Barry that he will actually admit to is he goes back to their- his apartment after coming home from Star labs the same day Barry broke up with him. "It's okay, I understand" He told Barry not eight hours ago yet as he walks into the now half empty apartment he know nothing could be farther from the truth. Barry must have taken his stuff after he finished patrol as the Flash. 

He's so angry and so hurt he can't think of anything else and before he even realized it he was crying. What started off as small tears soon turn into full on sobs as he sits on the couch with a bottle of booze he hasn't even bothered to look at and see what it is. He looks around the living room they once shared and everything hits him like a ton of bricks, and pretty soon he's so angry that the vibrations being released from his body knock pictures of walls and knick knacks of shelf but he doesn't bother trying to stop it. 

He cries for everything he's just lost, he cries for the memories he knows will plague him in his dreams; the good and the bad. He cries because he know every time he sees Barry, his heart will break even if he never admits it. He cries because he knows one day Barry is going to be so genuinely happy, but it won't be with him. He cries because he knows that someone will be able to love Barry better than he was ever able to.


End file.
